This summer has repeatedly ‘confused’ me as to where my home is. To begin with I was already confused here. Mikrokastro monastery feels so much more ‘home’ than my real home. Mikrokastro has tamed me, and this is why I always cry when I leave. “One runs the risk of crying a bit if one allows oneself to be tamed.” (1)
Moving to the UK after Easter and leaving everything behind hurt quite a lot. But what could I do? “Now the Lord had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father’s house, unto a land that I will shew thee: … So Abram departed, as the Lord had spoken unto him; … and Abram was seventy and five years old [!] when he departed out of Haran. (Gen 12:1,12:4)”
Even the idea of where home is can leave one feeling undone.
Adapting to my new culture, land and ‘home’ is still a difficult process. In hard times, I caught myself longing for the home I had left back in Greece. For the familiarity this home represented, the loved ones living there, and the comforts that seem to go hand in hand.
My home is in heaven. And until we get there, we are to live here, serving Him.
Flying back to Greece for my father’s funeral felt so strange. Even after less than a month at the UK, I no longer felt my home country as ‘home’.
“For here have we no continuing city, but we seek one to come.” (Hebrews 13:14)
More travelling, retreats and pilgrimages ensued … “And Jesus saith unto him, The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head.” (Matthew 8:20/ Luke 9:58)
But both are home. As much as any home can be.
Soon, news from new friends in Romania, old friends from the UK reached me in Greece and I felt homesick! Tears again and broken heart!
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” (C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves)
I missed so much my ‘family’, especially at the UK! What was I doing here, so far away from them, so far away from ‘home‘? I knew I had to stay here for certain urgent tasks to be accomplished, but still I longed to return back ‘home‘, to be with them.
The truth is, we are all foreigners, aliens passing through on our way home.
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Home for a missionary is indeed a funny thing. Because to be honest, we have multiple homes, and even the idea of where home is can leave one feeling undone.
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My home is where God leads.
‘Leafing through’ various missionary blogs I came across the following reflections by Mandy which moved me deeply:
Just the other day I was transported back to my home town, as I sat here in Nepal in the dentist office. For a brief moment as Toby Keith sang “Red, White and Blue,”over the speakers, I was taken back.
It’s a funny thing how music, smells, and even sounds can transport us to another time. When I smell Pumpkin bread, I’m transported back to when I was a child. When I hear certain songs, memories of days gone by come flooding back.
But yesterday was funny, in that I’m not a country music fan, but as I listened to this song, my heart became nostalgic for “home”.
Home for a missionary is a funny thing. Because to be honest, we have multiple homes, and even the idea of where home is can leave one feeling undone. Yet, hearing this song, shot me across the oceans quick to the other side of the world.
And I began to long for this other home. For the familiarity this home represents, the loved ones living there, and the comforts that seem to go hand in hand.
It is funny to listen to my kids talk about this other home. They seem to remember all things good and have forgotten all things bad. They remember things from a different standpoint than either myself or my husband, and they dream about the yummy foods, and fun things this “home” represents.
As the song ended, and we finished up our appointment, we gathered up our things to go to our home here. And I laughed as we walked to the main road in the rain, boarded the public bus, and watched as we passed multiple cows in the road.
Life here is quite different from life there. Though we do many of the same things we would do there, doing them takes more time and can often be far more complicated.
Home there means football games, fire works, family gatherings and bbq’s. Home here means rice and dhal, cows, temples, and load shedding.
I’ve learned over the years that home isn’t a place so much as home is the people you are with. My home is with my husband, with my children, and where God leads.
And my eternal “home” is Heaven. The truth is, we are all foreigners, aliens passing through on our way home.
Here in Nepal, I’m often asked, where is your home? My answer, your answer.. let it be…
My home is in heaven. And until we get there, we are to live here, serving Him.
Our Mission to the Himalayas and Beyond
- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince .“If you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . .” … So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near–
Ah,” said the fox, “I shall cry.”
It is your own fault,” said the little prince. “I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . .”
Yes, that is so,” said the fox.
But now you are going to cry!” said the little prince.
Yes, that is so,” said the fox.
Then it has done you no good at all!”
It has done me good,” said the fox, “because of the color of the wheat fields.”
