… We Become Lights in the World.

Nothing had prepared me for what happened today at the monastery. Mother Porfyria had texted me back at night that, God willing, we would meet briefly today, sometime before we leave. In turn, I had texted my spiritual father for his prayers to help me discern what to discuss with her in these precious, few minutes. His reply: “Let Christ decide. He will be there with you”.

And yet, nothing had prepared me for what happened today at the monastery. I remember that this is what I had told you at my first monastery pilgrimage, at Panorama Dormition Monastery, but this time the spiritual experience was far more powerful, overwhelming I would say.

Such beautiful chanting in Church! Listen to a recording of sisters chanting Matins, Semantron and Bells:

After the Holy Liturgy, I went straight to St George Karslidis cell and chapel, open to the faithful only on Feast Days and Sundays, thinking that Mother Porfyria would rest a bit after these long church services, before venturing out in the public. She is so loved by the sisters and all the faithful that there is always a long queue following her wherever she is going. Here one feels what joyful obedience out of love is.

And then, it happened! When I emerged out of St George Karslidis cell, I saw her! but what did I see?! I saw Gerondissa climbing up the stairs of the guests’ house in a hurry and ‘frantically’ searching for me everywhere, checking the guests’ living room, and ignoring everybody else! I rushed towards her and asked her to forgive my disappearance, but I thought she might rest a bit. Are you kidding me? Mother Porphyria rest a bit? How little do I still know her! No sleep, no rest, no ease, no break-fast, no coffee, nothing for her sake, only burning herself as a candle, always full of love and humility, always ready to sacrifice everything for her ‘neighbour! 

If we burn ourselves up as a candle, we become lights in the world.

It was so embarrassing for me! I must have scandalised all the pilgrims and the sisters in the monastery! First this frantic search, and then this grabbing me and ‘pushing’ me further and further behind the inner gates, since pilgrims and sisters never stopped approaching her, literally disappearing and returning after half an hour! Half an hour?! So, the Abbess disappeared for half an hour at the monastery’s busiest visitors’ time, after the Sunday Holy Liturgy, with the monastery literally packed, overflowing with people?!

What’s more, not for 5 min but for half an hour, all alone, listening to her precious spiritual counsel! What a blessing! And what a profound spiritual encounter ours was! Mother Porphyria reflected on our “common” Way of the Cross, dating back to 1988, at our visit to Sipsa monastery, both of us lay persons then, both of us spiritual daughters of + Gerondas Gregorios. Such a beautiful synaxis after so many years! She insisted how our first meeting sealed our future in God’s unfathomable Providence. Back at this time, she was exploring various monasteries with the desire to become a nun, while I was visiting various monasteries for my spiritual growth, before my graduate studies and work at the States. This first meeting dates back to the Pentecost Feast of 1988. Our 36 years anniversary in her words!

Providence brought us to the same monastery, with the blessing of +Gerondas Gregorios, and the following amusing misunderstanding happened then: because I arrived earlier than Mother Porphyria, the sisters at Sipsa monastery thought that I was the one interested to become a novice. So they offered me a single room to have more “space” and privacy to pray. When Mother Porphyria arrived, the sisters understood their mistake but because they did not want to upset me and have me change room, they left me all alone, at peace, and accommodated Mother Porphyria in a double room. Of course, I was clueless about all this, and when I met her, later in the day, at the services and the meals, she did not give anything away. To this day, she finds all this very funny!

Glory to God for all His gifts, especially our fellow travellers in the Way! Mother Porphyria stressed how important is to be always grateful, how God loves those who are grateful. Our faith and life is literally eucharistic. Glory to God for all things were Saint John Chrysostom. last words as he died in exile in the year 407. The word “Eucharist” is derived from the Greek word eucharistia, meaning ‘thanksgiving. This term originated in the 1st or 2nd century A.D. as early Christians commemorated Christ’s Last Supper with thanksgiving. Such thanksgiving inspires and empowers us to act in humble, loving, compassionate ways, with empathy and in service to others.

She also told me that gratitude and total surrender to God will make us fools for Christ and full in His Joy. Galatians 2:20 speaks to the profound change that occurs when we surrender to God: “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” And then, the greater the trials and tribulations, the greater our Joy will be. Mother Porphyria told me that this was a key teaching of Gerondas Gregorios of blessed memory to his spiritual children.

She then added that when we are ‘crucified’ wherever God’s Providence has placed us, then our martyrdom, and especially our prayers during our martyrdom, transfuses our crucifiers with His love. And this is such a blessing to offer to the world because sadly there are lots of people who rebel against God’s boundless Love and refuse to accept it and then share it. But the key to become such a channel for God’s Love is the will to be crucified and our gratitude for all our crosses. There is simply no other way!

God is indeed doing something wonderful. If we burn ourselves up as a candle, we become lights in the world. These are my spiritual Father’s words.

“Just as the oil and wick burn in the vigil lamp, submissive to our will, so let our souls also burn with the flame of love in all our sufferings, always being submissive to God’s will”, St. Nikolai Velimirovich.

This burning, of course, hurts, but Christ, our Bridegroom, bore the heaviest Cross of all: All our crosses plus only He knows what more …

Then Mother Porfyria moved on to some very private matters for herself and myself, which obviously I cannot share. All I can say is that her words were overpowering. A bit too powerful and profound for my spiritual level … standing in awe before the Burning Bush… We have been meeting all these years, but never before had she administered such a “deadly blow” on me! She has always been supportive and kind, wiping my tears, but this time was “only” “tough love”. Days later, and I find myself still reeling… Very tough love…

When I shared these words with my spiritual father, he told me: “Indeed tough love but which bolsters faith in an uncomfortable way”. And it was not so much her words, but the Holy Spirit through her words. Such a powerful presence! Even now, days later. Palpably so…My eyes have opened a little bit to the price our spiritual fathers and mothers “pay” when we ask for their prayers.

Please forgive me for not being able to share further our private discussion. And also forgive me if I cannot put her holy wisdom into words. Days later, I listened to a homily from Essex Monastery, which emphasises the same point: “The Taste of Death is a Prelude to Resurrection Life” How Elders burn themselves up to offer light and “how their spiritual children can make them prophets [ie. prophetic lights] with their holy obedience”, in Saint Sophrony’s own words. But I repeat, it is one thing to just listen to these holy words, and another thing the holiness of the speaker to be transfused to your heart and nous. “… and a great multitude of people … came to hear Him and be healed of their diseases … for power went out of Him and healed them all” (Luke 6: 17-19).

One thing I can certainly share is Mother Porfyria’s insistence on the power of the Psalter in spiritual warfare, which she also stressed at a group discussion with the faithful, at the monastery courtyard, shortly after our private discussion: “The Psalms of the prophet David – the sacred Psalter – are an age old weapon, an effective cure against fear, terror, and demonic forces.”

Mother Porfyria’s insistence on the power of the Psalter, reminded me of another homily, by Metropolitan Neophytos of Morfu this time, about a holy ascetic of our times, Elder Theodoros the cave-dweller from Agiofarango, Crete (†2016), about the power of the Psalter:

“If you were to ask me to tell you what I learned after so many years in the desert, I would simply answer this: the power of the Psalter. If I were to start my life over, I would struggle to do one thing: memorize the Psalter. This is the womb of noetic prayer. This is the fertile soil where the seed of prayer thrives. It scourges the demons. When I was reading the Psalter during my vigils, a demon came, roaring like a wild boar in my ear, especially when I said the verse, “Let God arise and let his enemies be scattered, and let those who hate him flee before him…” (Ps 68:1 (67 LXX)) and the verse that says, “…for You are my Lord and my God”. He was in a rage, grabbing me by the throat and choking me. He tried to mess up my words so that I wouldn’t say it.”

Saint Paisios of Mount Athos reveals a similar experience of his about the power of the Psalter:

“How much consolation I find with the Psalter! That hour and a half when I read the Psalter, I see it as the most positive help to the world… The Psalter is divinely inspired, it was written with divine illumination, this is why it is so potent, so deep in meaning… With the Psalter I feel like rejoicing… I was pounding the devil with a cannon. During the day I pounded him with the Psalter, at night with prayer.” https://www.orthodoxwitness.org/the-power-of-the-psalter

Mother Porphyria also urged the faithful that flocked around her to cense, ie. offer incense to, not only our icons, immediate environment and people near us, but also God’s creation!, those afar, our families at school, our colleagues at work, our families and friends away, all over the world … She told us that is what Fathers have told her and insisted on this. So, we must sense and cense … since before we offer incense we must sense them.

If we burn ourselves up as a candle, we become lights in the world.

What I find most moving, though, are not her words to me or to all the faithful huddling up near her, but the prayer and the Holy Spirit she transfused us through her words.

Like the other sister with a charisma from God at Panorama Dormition monastery, who offered me 5 minutes of her time before I left the monastery. When she told me, for example, to focus on the Holy Liturgy “which is Everything” in Saint Sophrony’s of Essex words, or the Jesus prayer, she transfused the energy of the Jesus prayer to me, and for some hours and days after this, the Jesus prayer would not stop echoing in my heart. Likewise, when Mother Porphyria spoke to us about the power of the Psalter, she transfused this energy, and from there on, for some days, all I could do was to recite the Psalter…

St. Justin Popovich

“To be Orthodox means to have the God-man Christ constantly in your soul, to live in Him, think in Him, feel in Him, act in Him. In other words, to be Orthodox means to be a Christ-bearer and a Spirit-bearer.”