Becoming Lights For the Others in the Parish —Following Contemporary Saints


In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, One God. Amen
“You are the Light of the world”…(Matthew 5:14-16)

14 You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lamp stand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. 16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.


We are called to be lights in the world, not only in our parish, but to our family, community, city where we live, because Christ is the Light of the world. How we become lights and how we share this light with others rests in the gift of God and in our response to that grace, a synergy of love.


We must share Christ’s Light because the world is so full of darkness. It is thirsty and suffering and in need of Christ — the flame in our hearts is to be shared and offered. St John Chrysostom said “You are the light of the world, not of a single nation or of cities but of the whole world.” Minister to those you meet, share the gospel, attend to your own salvation all in the spirit of love, joy, humility and service. Each of us has talents — maybe 5, maybe 3, maybe just 1, — but we must use those talents to the glory of God and within the love of God and Light of Christ. The one thing about Light is that it does not draw attention to itself but to everything else, one candle in a dark room will reveal all the obstacles in that room so that we may negotiate our way around them.


I want, if you will indulge me, to speak about those who have been lights in the world to me in my own journey of faith. The lights of Christ cross boundaries of borders, culture, time and geography. Indeed the saints show are no boundaries to God’s love. My own encounter with the light of Orthodoxy came when I was an undergraduate studying Biblical Studies, Hebrew and Greek at Sheffield University. I had been brought up in the Christian faith, I attended church, sang in the choir, served at the altar. I believed in God; from my earliest memories I loved Christ. When I went to University I found that all those doctrines, teachings and beliefs were questioned, not by me but by a new analytical liberal critical theology which questioned everything, Christ’s miracles, his teachings even his Resurrection. It was deeply troubling.

Metropolitan Antony of Sourozh

Into this maelstrom of confusion and darkness shone a light to lighten the darkness to my delight. I was invited to go to a lecture by a certain Metropolitan Antony of Sourozh. I had never met the Orthodox before but later I found out that this man had spoken the Epilogue on the BBC when T.V.s were in black and white and when programmes finished at 10.00 p.m. When this man spoke a flood of light pierced the darkness of my disappointed soul, and I said to myself “if all orthodox are like this, then they have something very special to offer the world.” He spoke with authority, simplicity, humility and wisdom. It was so reassuring that some eminent figures spoke the truth in love against the prevailing tide of fashionable skepticism. The words in St John’s Gospel 1:5 “The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it…” reveal how darkness did not understand Light or overpower it or appropriate it or absorb it. Authentic preaching always brings light and pierces gloom with the sword of the truth of the Gospel.


Light also points the way, it is timely, providential and even prophetic.. I can think of
three other men of God who were lights to lighten my path: Archimandrite Barnabas of New Mills. He wrote in 1987 a post card at Christmas to me in which he said “ you will be Orthodox in the place where you now teach.” Eight years later I became Orthodox and his words came true. Archimandrite David of Walsingham was prophetic too, When I asked him to write an Icon of the Mother of God of Walsingham for me he said “If I paint this icon of the Mother of God for you, you realise you will become Orthodox”. I was an Anglican deacon at the time! When I was studying at Oxford to be an Anglican priest a then Archimandrite Kallistos was my tutor in Early Church History. He enlightened me to the teachings of the fathers – — how timely and providential was that light!


Metropolitan Kallistos of Diokleia, Archimandrite Barnabas, Metropolitan Anthony, all of thrice blessed memory. They are not yet glorified, but I know many people who were influenced by them. You see brothers and sisters, nothing is ever lost in Christ, A remote hermit whose monastery in Wales did not develop yet his words touched the hearts so many. An icon painter who could transmit the love of Christ not in words but in brush strokes, an academic who transmitted the light of Christ through teaching. What talents! All of these took their faith seriously but lightened this truth with their delivery, self-effacement, and sense of kind humour. Orthodoxy is not like brash strip lighting — it attracts gentleness of the soul because it is a gentle light flame of a candle that gives a mellow light whilst burning itself up in ascetic self-sacrifice.


St. Paisios on Prayer and Lighting Candles: “Elder, when we light a candle, do we say that
it is for some purpose? — You are lighting it, but where do you send it? Aren’t you sending it somewhere? With a candle, we are seeking something from God. When you light it, you should say: “For those who are suffering in body and soul”, “for those who have the greatest need”, and among them is also the living and the reposed. Do you know how much rest the departed sense when we light a candle for them? Thus, one has spiritual communication with the living and with the reposed. The candle, in a few words, is an antenna that brings us into communication with God, with the sick, with the departed, etc.”

In our parish we have a candle maker, once a month after gathering all the candles, she recycles the ends and brings them back to church. Perhaps you could have a candle maker in your parish to provide lights someone to trim the lamps, supply the wicks and oil — this is a service, however humble. We have someone who cleans the floors. We have someone who puts the chairs out and sets up church — humble duties but so vital for worship as preparation.

We must not be discouraged in bringing the light of Christ to others, when we see no growth or little response. Do not give up when you are frustrated or disappointed, be persistent even when only a few attend the Great Vespers or Holy Liturgy. The newly gloried Cleopa of Sihastria used to say to his spiritual children “Rabdare Rabdare Rabdare” “Patience, patience, patience!” There will be growth! The newly glorified Saint Amphilochios of Patmos said: “Do not be afraid because of your Orthodoxy because as an Orthodox in the west you will often be isolated and always in a small minority. Do not make compromises but do not attack other Christians. Be neither defensive nor aggressive, simply be yourself.” I would add, “be yourself simply.”


Simplicity was the hallmark of many of the recent saints. St Pophyrios, St Paisios, St Nicholas Planas to name but three. Of course as a compliment to St Amphilochios, St Arsenios of Paros said “when the church of the British Isles begins to venerate their own saints then the Church will begin to grow.” We see this in our parishes. All Orthodox churches now have enquirers and catechumens. God is doing something truly wonderful. As Metropolitan Kallistos of blessed memory said; “We know where the Holy Spirit is we cannot say where he is not, for he moves where he wills.”

Indeed the Holy Spirit is guiding people into the Light of Orthodoxy. There is a hunger and thirst after righteousness, a discontent with diluted, liberal teaching to suit the political correctness of popular culture. We must feed them with the bread of heaven and give them living waters to drink. Light makes things grow in all of creation. The harvest is ready but the labourers are few. It is usually the same people who you can count on your fingers that help in a Parish — those who give their time and talents with fervour.

The parable of the talents is most appropriate – we all have talents, to deny this is to deny the creativity of God. We had a most devout parishioner Barnabas of blessed memory. At 90 years of age, he drove 90 miles from his home and back to church every Sunday and he gave a lift to other Parishioners going out of his way, because they had no transport. Perhaps we can offer lifts to those with no transport. I recall travelling through Romania from Bucharest to Ploiesti and in the fields there were thousands of sun flowers. As we made our way the sun flowers had their heads lifted high tracking the sun up above. As the sun moved so the heads of the flowers moved until the sun went down when they bowed their heads. We must track the Son of God the Light of the world.

As St Paul says in Hebrews: “Keep your eyes fixed on Christ who is the author and finisher of your life”. God said “Let there be light and there was Light”. God speaks and it is so. We have to have ears to hear God’s word and eyes to see His light — an inner spiritual ear and inner spiritual sight, which is why we seal these senses at chrismation with the seal of the gift of the Holy Spirit with holy chrism oil so God may sanctify our life and make our body the temple of the Holy Spirit. We must always be aware that in order to be lights first we must listen to the voice of God bowing our heads to listen to His will for us. It is equally true about listening to others. Metropolitan Antony of Sourozh writes in his
book Courage to pray: “Hearing means bowing our heads in humility which is capable of accepting what the other person is sowing on the ground of our mind and heart. This is the true meaning of the word humility. The word comes from the latin “humus,“ meaning fertile soil. Like the rich, silent creative earth we should offer ourselves to the Other, receiving His word in the fertile soil of our minds and hearts”. We see this humility in many of our saints St Porphyrios, St Paisios, St Silouan and St Nicholas Planas just to name a few.


St.Porphyrios taught parents to love their children: “Lord Jesus Christ, give Your light to my
children I entrust them to You. You gave them to me, but I am weak and unable to guide them, so, please, illuminate them…”
When children grow up in an atmosphere of freedom and at the same time are surrounded by the good example of grown-ups, they are a joy to see. The secret is to be good and saintly and to inspire and radiate. The life of the children seems to be affected by the radiation of their parents. If the parents insist, ‘Come on now, go and make confession, go and receive Communion’, and so on, nothing is achieved. But what does your child see in you? How do you live and what do you radiate? Does Christ radiate in you? That is what is transmitted to your child.

This is where the secret lies. Does Christ’ light radiate in you? That’s the secret, that’s the key to everything, isn’t it? Does Christ’s light radiate in us? If He does, the children indeed, the people you meet will feel Him radiating. Does Christ radiate in you? What a thing to say to us, what an invitation the idea that Christ could radiate in us, in us, unworthy, sad, overworked and worn out parents, in the tired Sunday School teachers and the overworked youth ministry worker. Does Christ radiate in you? Stop talking. Pray, pray, pray. Let
Him fill you up, so that He will radiate light in you and pour into the children who surround you and who absorb Him from you.

Our local saint is just a mile away St Patrick — yes, he is British not Irish — he was taken by pirates from the north west coast of Britain, after escaping from Ireland he returned to convert the Irish to Christianity but not before establishing a monastery in Heysham next to Morecambe. It is still there today. Sayedna has visited the remains of the chapel and the monks cells. There are even caves where the hermits used to live. He was born in Britain but St Patrick became the Enlightener of the Irish. You may be born in Romania or Lebanon or Russia but God sent you here to be lights in His world. Perhaps you could be a light to the children helping in Sunday school. Parents bring your children to Church bring them up in the Light of the Gospel.

One of my favourite verses in the Bible is from the Psalms: “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart, these O God You will not despise.” (Psalm 51:17) In order for lives to be filled with Christ’s light we need a broken heart, broken by and repentant for our sins. Unless our heart is cracked the light cannot enter into the tomb. If it is cracked, the light can flood in, otherwise it is hard, and like stone, impermeable, immovable and self- contained. “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness how great is that darkness.” (Matthew 6:22-23)


I am blessed to be here in Staffordshire which is my home county. The motto of the city in which I was born which was then in south Staffordshire (now in the west midlands) is “Out of darkness cometh light.” We bring those in darkness to Christ so that they too may become children of the light by adoption and grace. God’s power is revealed in our weakness, in these earthen broken vessels. 2 Corinthians 4:6-18 is to be read. (1 Thess. 5:5-11) “You are children of the light and the day; we are not of the night, nor of darkness. Therefore let us not sleep, as do others; but let us watch and be sober.” So here we see how watchfulness is also a prerequisite for becoming lights in our parishes. First attend to your own salvation before addressing the needs of others do not be blind guides as our Lord called the Pharisees. (Matthew 15:14.)


I am not a physicist, far from it, but according to the law of physics light is composed of photons, which are packets of electromagnetic energy. We in a spiritual sense must become packets of Christ’s magnetic energia, delivering like a holy postal service, the parcels of Christ’s gifts to the household of faith. In Colossians 1:29 the holy Apostle Paul says that he labours with all his energy and that God powerfully works within him.


The Story of St Nikolaos Planas
Papa Nicholas Planas was not a missionary to foreign lands. He was not a confessor or martyr who suffered or died for his faith in Christ. He was not a learned, gifted theologian who wrote books and taught the Faith, indeed he had a speech impediment. He was simply a parish priest who prayerfully served the Liturgy, day in and day out, month after month, year after year for fifty years. He had very few words to say at all – even to his closest followers. His life has no astounding feats of asceticism; he was a priest on the outskirts of a city. He did not die for the Faith or preach to the multitudes. He built no monasteries, no philanthropic institutions, nor even a single church. Indeed, for some time he didn’t have a church of his own, he just went from church to church.

Yet each year on March 2 the Orthodox Church universally recognises Papa-Nicholas as a saint worthy of veneration and emulation. This is because he did the most important thing that any Christian can do, a simple task that he unwaveringly followed to his salvation and canonisation: he listened to and performed God’s will to the fullest degree possible within his circumstances. Simplicity is the theme of Papa-Nicholas’ life. He was a simple parish priest, who modestly performed the mysteries and services of the church, who cared for his flock with meekness, and who treated all with love and in innocence. It is this very simplicity which serves as an example for all of us.

At the proskomede St Nicholas Planas would often take hours praying for so many people. One of his servers used to say “Oh, come on, dear father are you praying for the whole world?” When one young server saw him raised above the floor in the Divine Liturgy, the little boy remarked on this miracle to his mother and when questioned about this St Nikolaos said with due humility “all priests do this.” He used to go around with two bags tied around his waist with the names of the living and departed which he called his debts and invoices.


Now I have used the examples of the fathers of the church and of present day priests, Bishops and monks but families can bless a Parish in so many ways. The monks on Mt Athos say that prayer, attention and work are the hallmarks of service to Christ. No less in a parish than in a monastery. Prayer which involves acquiring stillness, the virtue of humility and obedience, attention which involves opening the senses and discernment to what talents God has given us and work which involves drawing upon the power and energy of
the Holy Spirit will make us lights in the Parishes where we serve. We see these three elements in the lives of the modern saints of our time.


So given these prerequisites how then can we be lights in our parishes? What practical ways can we be lights to others? I invite you to think about them and I leave this question with you.
The glory be to God.

A key-talk at the Antiochian Orthodox Christian Archdiocese of the British Isles and Ireland Family Retreat (Nov.2024)

By Father Jonathan Hemmings from the Holy Cross parish, Morecambe

For more information and photos visit their website Holy and Life Giving Cross, Orthodox Parish, Lancaster, U.K.

Saint Paisios in Sarakina

Part One:

It all started most unusual. As I was walking in the street, at about 16:00, under the sizzling sun, on my way back to St Porfyrios after an obedience , I saw an old priest, nearly 80 years old waiting, all alone, at the bus stop. I stopped to get his blessing and inquire if he needed any help because this was not the right time for anyone to be all alone in the streets, under the scorching sun, esp. if you are 80+. But this priest was not your ‘ordinary’ elderly priest!

It turned out that Father Methodios was the parish priest at Thessaloniki St Gregory Palamas cathedral, and he was very excited about something and most eager to share his news with me! His tama to St Paisios —to build him a church—would be brought to fruition in just a few days, this Saturday evening before Pentecost, near Sarakina, a small, nearby town, 45’ drive from Thessaloniki. The main church will be consecrated to St Paisios, and the two chapels to St Gregory Palamas and St Porfyrios! Further on, he explained to me how he had offered the donation of 7.5 acres and how the monastery of the Assumption in Panorama had undertaken all the work. In the end, Father Methodios invited me to the the laying of the Foundation Stone for the construction of the Holy Church of Saint Paisios, gave me his private mobile number, supplied all necessary names and references, monastery ones included, offered ample navigation guidance for the trip to the ‘unknown’ he was inviting me, and kept repeating that I should come, that St Paisios had arranged our meeting at the bus stop!

He also described to me most vividly an overnight stay by St Paisios at his house! One evening, late in the night, his doorbell rang and the priest’s sister went to open the door. She returned pale and was utterly dumbfounded! When Father Methodios asked her who was at the door, all she could whisper was “A Saint!”. So Father Methodios went to the door and to his surprise saw St Paisios! ‘Father, how come you are here?’ And St Paisios smiled and told him: ‘Haven’t we been discussing about this visit and overnight stay all this time? Well, now is the time!’ And so he spent the night at his house.

What an amazing experience, a most exciting opportunity! How can one refuse such an opportunity? To tell you the truth, I was a little concerned that I have to drive on your own in these thickets, but how could I refuse? And deep in my heart, I felt that St Paisios would be with me. —And St Porphyrios.

I felt joy even at the prospect! It was such a joy to meet such an old, blessed priest, full of joy, radiating the Holy Spirit under the heat! I felt such joy that such priests still exist 🙏 Glory to God! If only you saw his eyes! These days I had been studying in detail the making of St Porfyrios monastery in Milesi, all the Saint’s work, toil, prayers, the volunteers, all the people who helped in every possible way. And while contemplating all this, I met this priest! Amazing!

So, if St Paisios and St Porfyrios would be travelling with me then it felt safe! Anyway, out of precaution, I also started making inquiries to the Monastery about the precise location —no gps it turned out, I am afraid,only vague road signs, cranes,oh dear…— trying also to find somebody else willing to join in the escapade. It turned out that nearly everybody was planning to be away this long weekend of the Monday of the Holy Spirit (nearly national holiday). Nearly.

Eventually, the Saints and my spiritual father’s prayers have provided me a travel companion for Saturday’s holy expedition. A fellow chanter had another obedience nearby so arrangement were sorted out really fast. And another chanter too, a blessed three tied cord, God will not despise? “And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threestrand cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12. Glory to God for all things.

Of course it was still a mystery where and what precisely this church was. But Mysteries are revealed not understood!🙂 My spiritual Father assured me that Our Lord said I am the Way the Truth and the Life. Without the way there is no going, without the truth there is no knowing, without the life there is no living. He was assured that the Way would find a way for me. He keeps encouraging me these days to be open to the Holy Spirit and be led by Him.

The ancient saints travelled many miles to many places. I wish I could do some of this traveling together with him. But maybe at hisspiritual stage, it is only conducted in Spirit? The thoughts are spiritual for a spiritual father who travels with his spiritual children, whether in this life or the next.

Part Two:

Well, it was not a wilderness we ended up, after climbing up and down Hortiatis mountain and traversing small villages. We arrived at a pretty ‘civilised’ place, a spiritual centre and a small church in a 7.5 acres land, dedicated to The Mother of God of the Life-giving Spring or Life-giving Font (Greek: Ζωοδόχος Πηγή, translit. Zōodóchos Pēgḗ, part of Father Methodios’ family inheritance. Here, Father Methodios would gather his spiritual children for years for spiritual retreats. Here, he also retreated in hesychia to pray. At its centre, this new church to St Paisios will be erected, a metochion to Panorama Monastery of the Dormition of Our Lady.

This is the original chapel of The Mother of God of the Life-giving Spring and the spiritual centre.

Father Methodios’ mother grave, behind the Theotokos chapel

Why a Cross on the Foundation stone?

“As is well known, the Passion of the Lord culminates in His Crucifixion. On the Cross, the God-man Jesus Christ, being “The King of Glory”, gave the hardest and most terrible battle in human History, defeating the Devil and Sin. With His Holy Blood that was shed on the Cross, He strengthened and secured His Church. That is why we placed the plaque with the engraved Holy Cross on the foundations of the Church, because the Cross is, first of all, the foundation of our faith. And every Orthodox church has not only in its foundations, but also internally, externally and on its roof (in the dome) the sign of the Cross to bear witness to the victory of Christ to all those who may be inside or outside the Church.

 Secondly, the Cross is the symbol of Sacrifice. Christ on His Cross gave the unique and unparalleled example of the supreme sacrifice for the human race, in order to teach us that, His earthly Church and Her members must always follow the path of sacrifice for the salvation of the world. This is the role of the Church and her children.

Thirdly, the meaning of the Cross is joy. “Behold, through the Cross joy has come to the world”, we recite every Sunday morning, but also every day for forty days after Easter. As the Apostle Paul writes, “if we die on the cross with Christ” (Gal. 2:20); if we live our personal crucifixion, daily crucifying “our sinful self with its passions and desires” (Gal. 5:24), then surely true joy will come to us, which, according to the promise of Christ, “no one will be able to take away from us.” (Jn 16:22)

Fourthly, the Cross is hope. Through the Cross, the secured and unwavering hope is born. If we rely on the Cross of Christ, we will never bend under the weight of trials and tribulations in our lives. (Source)

We arrived early and the place was rather empty, other than Father Methodios and some workers. All around us, Nature was enchanting.

Can you spot the squirrel?🐿️

Lots of water and a miracle with water when the original church of the Theotokos was founded.

Everybody is drinking from this abundant, fruit of prayer, holy water, gushing out!

“On the last and greatest day of the feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, ‘If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.’ By this he meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were later to receive. Up to that time the Spirit had not been given, since Jesus had not yet been glorified.” (John 7:37-39)

Gradually, more people started arriving, and the place was crowded, Bishops arrived and the ceremony started.

Bishop Philotheos from Thessaloniki laid the Foundation stone, blessed us all sprinkling holy water to us and the new church’s four corners. We all chanted together the Apolytikion of St Paisios, St Gregory Palamas and St Porfyrios, the two chapels. This is the first church to be dedicated to Saint Paisios and St Porfyrios! The bishop used St Paisios’ holy cross with a piece of the True Cross of Christ, a gift to Father Methodios 52 years ago! Saint Paisios also prayed and blessed his calling to become a hieromonk. Amidst lots of chanting and prayer, Father Methodios thanked us all in tears and told us that he had been praying about this for the last 40 years of his life!

“Lord, now lettest Thou Thy servant depart in peace according to Thy word, for mine eyes have seen Thy salvation: which Thou hast prepared before the face of all people. A light for revelation to the Gentiles, and to be the glory of Thy people Israel (Lk 1.29–32)

Then, a traditional Greek bouffet followed, lots of brothers and sisters all over the region and Thessaloniki to greet.

Night arrived amidst joyful fellowship, we helped clean up and tidy the place, and left, full of joy, nearly midnight! What an experience! May God soon bless us to perform the Consecration of our Holy Church, so that the glorious and majestic name of God always be glorified in it.

Holy Mountain’s Secret Cry

 

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Metropolitan of Nafpaktos and Agios Vlasios, Hierotheos, speaks on Mount Athos’ secret cry:  the Prayer of the Heart

 

As biological life is transmitted, so spiritual tradition is a whole life.

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A guide speaks theoretically, but the Fathers beget spiritually.

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The Holy Mountain is a living organism.

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May the Lord find us worthy to hear its secret cry!

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Already in his youth, Metropolitan Hierotheos was particularly interested in the Fathers of the Church, working for a time in the monastery libraries of Mount Athos, on the recording of the codices. He was especially interested in the teaching of St. Gregory Palamas.

The influence of Fr. John Romanidis, the study of the patristic texts and particularly those of the hesychast Fathers of the Philokalia, many years of studying St. Gregory Palamas, association with the monks of the Holy Mountain (Mount Athos), and many years of pastoral experience, all brought him to the realisation that Orthodox theology is a science of the healing of man and that the neptic fathers can help the modern restless man who is disturbed by many internal and existential problems.

Within this framework he has written a multitude of books, the fruit of his pastoral work, among which is Orthodox Psychotherapy. Some of these books have been translated into various languages, such as English, French, Spanish, Russian, and Arabic. With these books he conveys the Orthodox spirit of the Philokalia to the restless and disturbed man of our time.

Books

 

 

Weak and Fallen Before Easter

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We need to recognise that as Christians, if we are truly following Christ, not just abandoning him at the Cross, denying him or God forbid betraying Him, we will receive the same insults. Even Pilate would not remove that charge which he pinned to the Cross, Jesus of Nazareth King of the Jews, though the crowd protested.

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 May we all be blessed!

 

In a few hours, I’ll arrive at The Orthodox Christian Parish of the Holy and Life ­Giving Cross at Lancaster (United Kingdom), accompanying the Byzantine St Anysia Choir from Thessaloniki for Pascha; this choir also visited last year to help with the worship, particularly  the long, demanding  Holy Week services. We will also bring with us a hand crafted Icon, a comb and a prayer rope, all by St Paisios of Mount Athos, a Reliquary for containing these holy relics, and a handwritten Icon of his. We will also bring on loan  for Holy Week a piece of St. Paisios’ clothing, his undershirt, from another Monastery in Greece.

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 I am deeply moved by the fact that I am ‘carrying’ my patron Saint, Saint Paisios, though the truth is that the Saints carry us! This is the nearest that people will get to venerating Saint Paisios since his body is not to be disturbed in Souroti.

 

I am still packing, since so many monasteries in Greece have overwhelmed us with their generosity, and there are so many blessings, candles, incense, icons, secondary relics etc. to bring to the UK!

 

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The hectic days to follow at the Holy Cross parish will take away from me all phone connections and internet, but they will give me in return a precious chance to shut the world away and lock myself in the heavy, crushing silence of the Holy Week.

Before I do that, I want to wish you with all my heart to enjoy a Blessed, Life-Changing Holy Week and Easter!

 

I must admit that I am very tired. I feel tired, vulnerable and afraid, with no control over anything. I am so exhaustedIndeed,  “Lent is a horrid period. Year by year, Lent is when some force within me pushes me out of my comfort zones, and I find myself in a lions’ den, face to face with the beasts, utterly unprepared to fight, totally helpless, fully aware that the only possible outcome is to be slaughtered.”

Slaughtered indeed! This is exactly what I feel! A corpse!

“This is nothing new. This happens every year. Yet, I somehow survive, because the same Force that pushes me out of my self-created kingdoms, out of my self-created games – that same Force saves me from those wild beasts at the last moment.”

And this changes everything.

And yet, every time, I forget all about this, and I experience such despair and death, just before God intervenes! As if He has utterly forsaken me!

 

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Now I understand why one focus of the Resurrection icon is Christ’s hands, pulling Adam and Eve! I desperately need this Hand to pull me out of this Hell!Weak and Fallen! In such a desperate need of healing, repentance, an intervention, a meeting with my spiritual father, a literal falling into his arms, the Sacrament of Confession! Is this who I really am? How can just 40 days reduce me to this? Is this  the real starting point of my change, repentance and redemption?

 

Deep in my heart, I bitterly realise that no healing is possible. No repentance is possible. No prayer is possible, until the heart that heals, repents and prays is my sinful, fallen, yet beating heart. False images do not have hearts. False images do not love. Most painful than all, false images will never reflect Christ, because there is nothing false in Christ, nothing common between Life and void. Prayer begins with pain at one’s fallen nature; it grows out of this pain, and its flowers bloom out of it.The taste of ashes in my mouth. Am I, fallen and depraved and sinful that I am, still the image of the Immortal God?

 

I need to hold on, just a little bit more, to the Living God, and may His immortal image remain within me. It may then reflect on me,  bless me and I may grow into it. Day by day, year by year, I may grow into this image, and be more Christ-like. Then His Life will be mine, His Resurrection will be mine.

So many miles to go before I sleep!

 

 

If you have ever experienced such confusion and fallenness, have courage and pray for me. Let us all fight in our body and spirit. His Resurrection is real, and it is coming. In His Resurrection we shall all be one!

To Bear The Beams of Love

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After Epiphany  — Yearning for a Retreat

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Yearning for ‘Thin Places’ where Cassocks can by Hung on the Rays of the Sun