Monastery Diaries: Back into the Mother’s Womb

Such silence and peace at the Monastery of St John the Forerunner, Chalkidiki! Another colour and spiritual hue in the rich tapestry of monastic visits

For years, here, Gerondas Gregorios of blessed memory offered his prayers with tears and his never-to-be-forgotten spiritual guidance. My rebirth in Christ ((John 3:4), my new life literally started here about 40 years ago.

Off to my next pilgrimage, then, on this year’s three-day public holiday for Thessaloniki: 26 Sat, +St. Demetrius, 27 Sun and 28 Mon: Ohi, national holiday. I can’t wait!

Back in 2019, I undertook the same pilgrimage of mine, and precisely on the same dates and days!

More recently, my own spiritual father visited this monastery just last year.

May it be a refreshing and strengthening experience in His Mercy!

I am but earth and ash — two documentaries

The “Astonishment of Sisoes” (*)

At the recommendation of my spiritual father, I have been watching two exceptional documentaries on monastic life: Athos – Mount Athos Monks’ Republic Documentary and The Good Struggle: Life In A Secluded Orthodox Monastery. Interestingly enough, I found all their insights pertinent not only to monastics, but to laymen too. What truly struck a chord in my heart was their emphasis on the transience and ‘futility’ of our ‘ordinary’ lives, and a remarkable miracle entitled “Christ is Risen”, the first documentary records.

Athos, the first documentary is exceptional partly because for the first time, a filmmaker was given access to all forms of monastic life on the holy mountain (ie. cenobitic monasteries, sketes and monastic cells).

The Good Struggle, the second documentary, is about a monastic community thriving within the confines of a Greek Orthodox Christian monastery, high up in the mountains of Lebanon. The documentary offers rare insight to their almost silent way of life.

What I found most moving in both documentaries is the “school of philosophy” in the Gerondes’ own words: the insights into the monks’ burial place, their bones eventually stored in a separate charnel house, within the consecrated grounds of the cemetery (20:06–21:28 and 1:25:38—1:28:10 — first documentary), or under the church (23:35–24:36 –second documentary).

“So we can always pray for them and join them. This is due to the church’s belief that those who depart are not removed from us, but we are always connected through prayer. We don’t see them but they are connected to us through prayer. They pray for us and we pray for them. We always visit them to encourage ourselves that death is not a calamity but a meeting with the Lord Jesus Christ. We honour and greet them because they have done the good struggle and God has accepted them in His Kingdom.”

So moving and at the same time so sobering forour [vain] affection for earthly things”! “And once again I looked with attention on the tombs, and I saw the bones therein which of flesh were naked; and I said, … Where is the pleasure in life which is unmixed with sorrow? … All things are weaker than shadow, all more illusive than dreams; comes one fell stroke, and Death in turn, prevails over all these vanities. All is dust, all is ashes, all is shadow. … Like a blossom that wastes away, and like a dream that passes and is gone, so is every mortal into dust resolved… ” (St. John of Damascus, Orthodox Funeral Service Troparia)

*

Christ is Risen! He is Risen Indeed!

*

(*) “Sisoes, the great ascetic, before the tomb of Alexander, king of the Greeks, who was once covered in glory. Astonished, he mourns for the vicissitudes of Time and the transience of glory, and tearfully declaims thus:The mere sight of your tomb, dismays me and causes my heart to shed tears, as I contemplate the debt we, all men, owe. How can I possibly stand it? Oh Death! Who can evade you?’


Day 5 If we Burn Ourselves Up as a Candle

… We Become Lights in the World.

Nothing had prepared me for what happened today at the monastery. Mother Porfyria had texted me back at night that, God willing, we would meet briefly today, sometime before we leave. In turn, I had texted my spiritual father for his prayers to help me discern what to discuss with her in these precious, few minutes. His reply: “Let Christ decide. He will be there with you”.

And yet, nothing had prepared me for what happened today at the monastery. I remember that this is what I had told you at my first monastery pilgrimage, at Panorama Dormition Monastery, but this time the spiritual experience was far more powerful, overwhelming I would say.

Such beautiful chanting in Church! Listen to a recording of sisters chanting Matins, Semantron and Bells:

After the Holy Liturgy, I went straight to St George Karslidis cell and chapel, open to the faithful only on Feast Days and Sundays, thinking that Mother Porfyria would rest a bit after these long church services, before venturing out in the public. She is so loved by the sisters and all the faithful that there is always a long queue following her wherever she is going. Here one feels what joyful obedience out of love is.

Saint George Karslides cell

And then, it happened! When I emerged out of St George Karslidis cell, I saw her! but what did I see?! I saw Gerondissa climbing up the stairs of the guests’ house in a hurry and ‘frantically’ searching for me everywhere, checking the guests’ living room, and ignoring everybody else! I rushed towards her and asked her to forgive my disappearance, but I thought she might rest a bit. Are you kidding me? Mother Porphyria rest a bit? How little do I still know her! No sleep, no rest, no ease, no break-fast, no coffee, nothing for her sake, only burning herself as a candle, always full of love and humility, always ready to sacrifice everything for her ‘neighbour! 

If we burn ourselves up as a candle, we become lights in the world.

It was so embarrassing for me! I must have scandalised all the pilgrims and the sisters in the monastery! First this frantic search, and then this grabbing me and ‘pushing’ me further and further behind the inner gates, since pilgrims and sisters never stopped approaching her, literally disappearing and returning after half an hour! Half an hour?! So, the Abbess disappeared for half an hour at the monastery’s busiest visitors’ time, after the Sunday Holy Liturgy, with the monastery literally packed, overflowing with people?!

What’s more, not for 5 min but for half an hour, all alone, listening to her precious spiritual counsel! What a blessing! And what a profound spiritual encounter ours was! Mother Porphyria reflected on our “common” Way of the Cross, dating back to 1988, at our visit to Sipsa monastery, both of us lay persons then, both of us spiritual daughters of + Gerondas Gregorios. Such a beautiful synaxis after so many years! She insisted how our first meeting sealed our future in God’s unfathomable Providence. Back at this time, she was exploring various monasteries with the desire to become a nun, while I was visiting various monasteries for my spiritual growth, before my graduate studies and work at the States. This first meeting dates back to the Pentecost Feast of 1988. Our 36 years anniversary in her words!

Providence brought us to the same monastery, with the blessing of +Gerondas Gregorios, and the following amusing misunderstanding happened then: because I arrived earlier than Mother Porphyria, the sisters at Sipsa monastery thought that I was the one interested to become a novice. So they offered me a single room to have more “space” and privacy to pray. When Mother Porphyria arrived, the sisters understood their mistake but because they did not want to upset me and have me change room, they left me all alone, at peace, and accommodated Mother Porphyria in a double room. Of course, I was clueless about all this, and when I met her, later in the day, at the services and the meals, she did not give anything away. To this day, she finds all this very funny!

Glory to God for all His gifts, especially our fellow travellers in the Way! Mother Porphyria stressed how important is to be always grateful, how God loves those who are grateful. Our faith and life is literally eucharistic. Glory to God for all things were Saint John Chrysostom. last words as he died in exile in the year 407. The word “Eucharist” is derived from the Greek word eucharistia, meaning ‘thanksgiving. This term originated in the 1st or 2nd century A.D. as early Christians commemorated Christ’s Last Supper with thanksgiving. Such thanksgiving inspires and empowers us to act in humble, loving, compassionate ways, with empathy and in service to others.

She also told me that gratitude and total surrender to God will make us fools for Christ and full in His Joy. Galatians 2:20 speaks to the profound change that occurs when we surrender to God: “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” And then, the greater the trials and tribulations, the greater our Joy will be. Mother Porphyria told me that this was a key teaching of Gerondas Gregorios of blessed memory to his spiritual children.

She then added that when we are ‘crucified’ wherever God’s Providence has placed us, then our martyrdom, and especially our prayers during our martyrdom, transfuses our crucifiers with His love. And this is such a blessing to offer to the world because sadly there are lots of people who rebel against God’s boundless Love and refuse to accept it and then share it. But the key to become such a channel for God’s Love is the will to be crucified and our gratitude for all our crosses. There is simply no other way!

God is indeed doing something wonderful. If we burn ourselves up as a candle, we become lights in the world. These are my spiritual Father’s words.

Just as the oil and wick burn in the vigil lamp, submissive to our will, so let our souls also burn with the flame of love in all our sufferings, always being submissive to God’s will”, St. Nikolai Velimirovich.

This burning, of course, hurts, but Christ, our Bridegroom, bore the heaviest Cross of all: All our crosses plus only He knows what more …

Then Mother Porfyria moved on to some very private matters for herself and myself, which obviously I cannot share. All I can say is that her words were overpowering. A bit too powerful and profound for my spiritual level … standing in awe before the Burning Bush… We have been meeting all these years, but never before had she administered such a “deadly blow” on me! She has always been supportive and kind, wiping my tears, but this time was “only” “tough love”. Days later, and I find myself still reeling… Very tough love…

When I shared these words with my spiritual father, he told me: “Indeed tough love but which bolsters faith in an uncomfortable way”. And it was not so much her words, but the Holy Spirit through her words. Such a powerful presence! Even now, days later. Palpably so…My eyes have opened a little bit to the price our spiritual fathers and mothers “pay” when we ask for their prayers.

Please forgive me for not being able to share further our private discussion. And also forgive me if I cannot put her holy wisdom into words. Days later, I listened to a homily from Essex Monastery, which emphasises the same point: “The Taste of Death is a Prelude to Resurrection Life” How Elders burn themselves up to offer light and “how their spiritual children can make them prophets [ie. prophetic lights] with their holy obedience”, in Saint Sophrony’s own words. But I repeat, it is one thing to just listen to these holy words, and another thing the holiness of the speaker to be transfused to your heart and nous. “… and a great multitude of people … came to hear Him and be healed of their diseases … for power went out of Him and healed them all” (Luke 6: 17-19).

One thing I can certainly share is Mother Porfyria’s insistence on the power of the Psalter in spiritual warfare, which she also stressed at a group discussion with the faithful, at the monastery courtyard, shortly after our private discussion: “The Psalms of the prophet David – the sacred Psalter – are an age old weapon, an effective cure against fear, terror, and demonic forces.”

Mother Porfyria’s insistence on the power of the Psalter, reminded me of another homily, by Metropolitan Neophytos of Morfu this time, about a holy ascetic of our times, Elder Theodoros the cave-dweller from Agiofarango, Crete (†2016), about the power of the Psalter:

“If you were to ask me to tell you what I learned after so many years in the desert, I would simply answer this: the power of the Psalter. If I were to start my life over, I would struggle to do one thing: memorize the Psalter. This is the womb of noetic prayer. This is the fertile soil where the seed of prayer thrives. It scourges the demons. When I was reading the Psalter during my vigils, a demon came, roaring like a wild boar in my ear, especially when I said the verse, “Let God arise and let his enemies be scattered, and let those who hate him flee before him…” (Ps 68:1 (67 LXX)) and the verse that says, “…for You are my Lord and my God”. He was in a rage, grabbing me by the throat and choking me. He tried to mess up my words so that I wouldn’t say it.”

Saint Paisios of Mount Athos reveals a similar experience of his about the power of the Psalter:

“How much consolation I find with the Psalter! That hour and a half when I read the Psalter, I see it as the most positive help to the world… The Psalter is divinely inspired, it was written with divine illumination, this is why it is so potent, so deep in meaning… With the Psalter I feel like rejoicing… I was pounding the devil with a cannon. During the day I pounded him with the Psalter, at night with prayer.” https://www.orthodoxwitness.org/the-power-of-the-psalter

Mother Porphyria also urged the faithful that flocked around her to cense, ie. offer incense to, not only our icons, immediate environment and people near us, but also God’s creation!, those afar, our families at school, our colleagues at work, our families and friends away, all over the world … She told us that is what Fathers have told her and insisted on this. So, we must sense and cense … since before we offer incense we must sense them.

If we burn ourselves up as a candle, we become lights in the world.

What I find most moving, though, are not her words to me or to all the faithful huddling up near her, but the prayer and the Holy Spirit she transfused us through her words.

Like the other sister with a charisma from God at Panorama Dormition monastery, who offered me 5 minutes of her time before I left the monastery. When she told me, for example, to focus on the Holy Liturgy “which is Everything” in Saint Sophrony’s of Essex words, or the Jesus prayer, she transfused the energy of the Jesus prayer to me, and for some hours and days after this, the Jesus prayer would not stop echoing in my heart. Likewise, when Mother Porphyria spoke to us about the power of the Psalter, she transfused this energy, and from there on, for some days, all I could do was to recite the Psalter…

St. Justin Popovich

“To be Orthodox means to have the God-man Christ constantly in your soul, to live in Him, think in Him, feel in Him, act in Him. In other words, to be Orthodox means to be a Christ-bearer and a Spirit-bearer.”

Day 4 “Take off your shoes”

The Burning Bush

His holy presence is immediately felt upon entering the monastery gates! This Saint is St. Georgios’  Karslidis, the New Confessor of Drama, the founder and first spiritual father of the Ascension Monastery. A bit exhausted after the long drive, off we rush to kneel before his relics and venerate them. … Rush! Waste no more time! “The doors are not yet shut; the bridegroom hears you”. St. Basil the Great

“Take off your shoes”

Hundreds and thousands of the faithful, all these years, especially since his canonisation in 2008, have knelt before him, to seek comfort in life’s trials and tribulations. So many miracles are happening and are being recorded every day!

“Take off your shoes”

Next, we kneel at Gerondissa Akylina‘s grave. Saint Paisios characterized her as “Gerondissa of Gerondisses; ie. Abbess of Abbesses” and Saint Porphyrios of Kausokalyvite called her “Cherub with golden wings”. Her canonisation is expected to take place soon and her relics are now displayed inside the Ascension Church, next to those of St.George Karslides, for veneration too.

So many contemporary Saints and spiritual Fathers and Mothers have blessed her diaconate: Saint Paisios, +Gerondas Iosif Vatopedi, +Gerondas Gavriil Dionysiatis, +Gerondas Gerasimos Mikragiannanitis, +Gerondas Theofilos (Lydia), Elder Efraim of Arizona, establishing her prayer rule, +Elder Georgios Kapsanis Gregoriou, +Elder Aimilianos, Saint Porfyrios, Mother Nikodemi-Ormylia monastery, +Mother Fevronia-Dormition Panorama monastery, to name just a few.

(Mother Porfyria’s obedience for a decade was the exclusive care of the elderly and frail Gerondissa Akylina).

“Take off your shoes.” 

The nuns welcome us, show us to our rooms, offer us a meal, in the separate guests’ house, and leave us to rest before Vespers. Yet, what seems most urgent is the need to repent. Now, on the interpretation of the Greek Fathers of the Burning Bush, St. Gregory of Nyssa for example, shoes, made from the skins of dead animals, signify the deadness of repetition, boredom, inattentiveness. 

“And the angel of the LORD appeared unto him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush: and he looked, and, behold, the bush burned with fire, and the bush was not consumed. … And he [God] said, Draw not nigh hither: put off thy shoes from off thy feet, for the place whereon thou standest is holy ground.” (Exodus 3:2-5 KJV )

“Take off your shoes.” 

Start afresh, free yourself from what is lifeless, from enslavement to the trivial, the mechanical, the repetitive. Shake off the deadness of boredom. Wake up. Come to yourself. Open your spiritual eyes. Cleanse the doors of your perception. Look and see! Listen!

“Take off your shoes.”

The monastic triptych of “prayer, study and work” (Abba Isaiah of Scetis ascetic discourses) is observed here too, but with a greater austerity than in other monasteries, probably because of the +Gerondas’ and +Gerondissa’s relics’ omnipresence and the specific typikon they follow, at the inspiration of +St. Efraim of Arizona. A variation of this salvific triptych is “prayer, attention and work”. This triptych offers balance, healing, consolation. There are 38 sisters in this monastery, and lots of young novices and postulants, pre-novices. Nuns come and go busy bees, novices and postulants race all round, pilgrims flock, beautiful gardens and fields surround us, yet everything fades before my eyes. My heart has been struck, smitten (Psalm 102:4)

“Take off your shoes.” 

In the evening, I text to Gerondissa Porfyria to plead for a meeting, even for 5 minutes, anytime, before we leave the next day. The day is coming to a close. We retire to our cells. I pray and wait …

Gerondissa Porfyria’s balcony is the one with the lanterns

St. Gregory of Nyssa

Sandaled feet cannot ascend that height where the light of truth is seen, but the dead and earthly covering of skins, which was placed around our nature at the beginning … must be removed from the feet of the soul.

St. George Karslides

“God cares for everyone. Despair is in effect a lack of faith.”

Monastery Diaries The Return of the Prodigal Son

The Holy Monastery of Ascension of the Savior located in the village of Taxiarches (Sipsa)
St. George Karslides, the Founder of Sipsa monastery

Amazing! After 8 years (originally posted 9 Nov. 2016)! What memories and tears now that I am planning a return of the prodigal…

“… Gerondissa Porphyria has always been so full of love and humility, always ready to sacrifice her ease,  her rest and sleep, everything for her ‘neighbour! How many times has she consoled me in the trials and tribulations of my life! Always by my side, always! How many times has she offered a shoulder to cry on and precious, practical counsel! Her prayerful presence is intensely, intimately felt even thousands of miles away, here at the UK, and her smile warms my heart. Oh, just look at her smile in the photographs below with a pilgrim at the monastery and imagine the rays of the sun warming your shoulders after a rainy, cold day! How blessed am I to have such a spiritual mother by my side! Over the years I got better acquainted with the friendly and hospitable nuns there and the pilgrims and the faithful who regularly visit this monastery. St. Georgios’ holy presence is immediately felt upon entering the monastery gate, and there is always a queue at his tomb where his spiritual children kneel before their spiritual father, now in Heaven, to ask for his spiritual guidance and to seek comfort in life’s trials and tribulations. …” (9 Nov, 2016)

All this and so much more! Nothing has changed! Only deeper and deeper in the Burning Bush.